At the beginning of 2025 I moved up to Pietermaritzburg and began to fall in love. Cuan wasn’t in the picture yet - it was Living Hope Bible Church that I was falling for. Naturally then, when the opportunity came to serve at a church conference, I leapt at the chance. Unbeknownst to me, among the crowd of pastors and other church folk, there was one man who had travelled the long distance from Budapest, Hungary, to attend the conference, and his mother (dear Audrey) had informed him that there would be someone new assisting her with the tea – a young lady. As such, I was entirely caught off guard (and very slightly suspicious) when an unfamiliar voice interrupted my sketching with the expectant phrase: “You must be Grace.”

I turned and addressed the handsome man I found behind me with something along the lines of “Yes. I am. Should I know who you are?”

He didn’t say, “Yes, I’m your future husband,” but I now know that he could have, because the man I had just met was Cuan Hundermark, my now fiancé.

Cuan had no intention of starting anything with anyone at that time, because his future was uncertain, and after a few weeks he would be leaving South Africa again for he knew not how long. As such, while we continued to see each other at an array of church events, found ourselves enjoying one another’s presence, and my admiration for his godly character grew, Cuan played it cool. Or so he thought. I have it on good authority that he was the only person in the situation that was under any impression that he was not very, very interested in me and I in him. It wasn’t long before a certain topic incepted most of my conversations and I got excessive practice at responding to questions like:

“So, Grace, what are Cuan’s intentions with you?” or “Has Cuan made a move yet?” or “When is Cuan going to say something?” or “What’s going on between you and Cuan?”

I did not have the full answers to these questions, so my reply generally consisted of “I don’t know, ask him.”

It became obvious to me that a particular conversation between us needed to happen. Clearly though, those curious would-be matchmakers I’d tried to redirect his way had not succeeded in shattering the illusion he had of himself being distant and unavailable (a status I had no idea he was trying to impress). For my part, I made sure to give him plenty of opportunities to talk – something he made perfectly easy by spending lots of time around me, but I began to feel uncertain. All evidence suggested that he was very interested in me, so why had he still not said anything?

Finally, the night before he was to fly away – possibly forever – I realised that he fully intended to disappear and leave me and the elephant that filled the room, in South Africa. I was not fond of this giant, floppy-eared roommate, so prompted by a recent sermon series on the book of Ruth, I drank a cup of tea, prayed for wisdom, drank another cup of tea, steeled my nerves, and phoned him, with no plan and not a coherent word rattling around my skull.

From that call, a relationship blossomed. Slowly at first, with letters, because we had no idea when we might be so much as in the same hemisphere, let alone city, but over the months we became more and more convinced that we had met our match.

I hadn't been home in two years. Mom and Dad were planning on clearing my room and I had decided to come back to help them to ease their burden and to ensure nothing of value was turfed. I needed to clean out things from my university, high school, and primary school days that held much sentimental value. As I planned on not returning any time soon, I wanted to go through the process of closure; fortunately, I was able to arrange my travels to arrive in time for our church’s annual Shepherd's Conference. When I arrived in Pietermaritzburg, I promptly cut off the beard that had defined me for the previous seven years. It had been an outward expression of the change within which I had worked so hard on and that God had granted by His grace, an expression of a desire for purity (and an attempt to keep the ladies away - it had done its job).

Then I met Grace. She was introduced to me by the display of a profile picture of her splayed over some rocks, clad in a hoodie, reaching for an elusive octopus in the ocean below. “She's new to the church,” said Mom. “Quiet, and a little…different. She's keen to serve, so I'm picking her up tomorrow to help with tea at Shepherd’s.”

The next day, I was standing on the other side of the dining hall when I saw her. Tall and elegant. Large dangly earrings. A blazer. A new face. A pretty face! Later, I found an opportunity and made a bold guess as I introduced myself. But there were no sparks. This was just a new connection. But it was by God's providence that we had connected.

Over the next four weeks, which then extended to seven, so that I could see my mom through surgery, we had opportunities to properly connect. A drive to the farm where she worked as a home-school teacher, and where I was visiting my friends, uncovered a common understanding in approach to communication. We got slightly lost - allowing us to put this communication into practice, and I witnessed her patience and calm temperament. Extending my stay at the farm, because I hadn't had enough time with my friends, presented an opportunity to observe her joy and playfulness with the kids and their love for her, especially during a particularly playful keepy-uppy balloon game. A few days later, a dinner at the pastor's house where we landed up sitting next to each other (because the other seats were taken) revealed her healthy competitiveness and ability to eloquently express herself. I kept my distance. At a subsequent church dinner, she was the only single lady who responded to the invitation. My close friend and I helped her home. The following day, he insisted she join us for a walk in the nature reserve, resulting in some more conversation, and a growing attraction. (It later turned out that he’d asked for his own sake, not for mine! I didn't want to give her the idea that I was planning anything - but our misunderstanding was quickly resolved because she was resolute and clear. I am grateful for their maturity!). And finally, a visit to my mom following her knee replacement surgery showed Grace’s caring and empathetic side and ended up with her staying for dinner with the family at my dad’s suggestion. 

It was after she’d left that evening that I was preparing to leave for Hungary indefinitely. I saw a notification of a missed call from Grace. I figured she had forgotten something (what else could be so urgent as a late night call to a guy before he leaves the country?) and I had time to talk while I packed and re-packed. After forty minutes of roundabout, friendly chatter, with a spinning head and butterflies in my stomach, I made the decision which I knew could change the direction of my life, because I knew the answer to the question I was about to ask:

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call, Miss Grace?”

“I honestly don't know how to answer that question,” she murmured.

“Well, I guess that answers it then,” I replied. “I'm looking for a wife. Life is uncertain. Are you willing to follow me? Do you want kids? What does life look like in the future?”

With the basics settled - matters of faith, testified by mutual friends and fruit evidenced even in our short time in each other’s company, a willingness to step into the unknown and work it out together and seemingly an ability to do so - we decided to go slow. Four- to six-page letters, scanned and emailed, provided great insight in a safe and carefully considered way. Detailed replies came far quicker than I expected! Then a call or two. A chat by email with her dad garnered familial approval. Soon, I received an invitation to her brother's wedding in Germany. Alas, she was not going, so at first I decided not to either (we both thought it would be a little weird!). At the insistence of her brother and my growing conviction, I went after all and there met her parents and my now-future-brother-in-law and his bride. The letters continued, but long voice and video calls began, as we worked together through many intentional, deep, and probing questions. Attraction, desire, and certainty grew as we sought to maintain purity and accountability. Guided through many conversations with wise counsellors in Budapest and Pietermaritzburg, I knew what I wanted, and I knew that I was right in my desire to pursue Grace as my wife.

Grace’s visit to Hungary in November 2025 sealed the deal for me. We had two weeks of intentional time in each other’s company and that of friends, especially those in the church, taking day trips and maintaining accountability and transparency. All of what I had assessed appeared true, and my friends and counsellors agreed. I was sure. I sold up my belongings and relocated to Pietermaritzburg to make the most of what I saw to be a sure thing.

It has all felt so remarkably quick and yet perfectly natural, balanced, and comforting. And in this I am certain - the Lord has brought us together, He will hold us together, and with the accountability afforded by the local church, together we will seek to serve and glorify Him!